Here are the thoughts that came to me today.
I spent most of the day in my car running errands. Normally, I'm listening to music or podcasts on my ipod. And when I was in work mode, my Blackberry would constantly buzz and ring. Life was loud. I was surrounded by noise.
But not today. Today I drove around with the radio off. I can't tell you why other then I just didn't want to hear any noise. I felt reflective, and the longer I drove, the deeper I thought. So many questions. Should I pursue a career in a new industry? Should I start my own business? What would I do if money weren't an object? What am I most passionate about? By the end of the day, I found myself asking this question. Not asking myself, but asking God.
"What do you want me to do?"
I realized that it's been a long, long time since I've asked Him that question. To be even more honest, it's been a long time since I've asked Him much of anything at all. Instead, I've been telling Him a lot. I've been as noisey with God as I've been with life. Today, I realized that when you ask God a question, you have to get quiet and listen to hear His answer.
I haven't been very quiet. I haven't listened very well. That's something I need to change.
"What do YOU want me to do?"
Monday, December 21, 2009
A Change In Direction - Day 3
One of the first things I learned about managing money was that you have to be very intentional about how you save and how you spend. A good budget is one that assigns a "home" to every dollar that you get. In other words, you have to decide how you're going to spend your money before you get it. Make a plan, balance your budget, and stick to it.
Once you create your budget, you have to have a system for tracking yourself. One of the first things I do every morning is get on my bank's website and review our spending from the day before, subtracting out each transaction from it's budget category, and then balancing our check register. I also set aside extra time on Sunday to go over the upcoming week. Are there bills I need to schedule to be paid? What money is coming in? Do we have the right amount in checking to buy groceries, pay for doctor visits, etc? With a family of eight, cash flow is important to review!
Sunday is also the day that Marybeth and I go over our finances together. Although I email her a budget summary every day (how much is left in groceries, gas, resturants, etc.) on Sundays, she and I get into more detail. We review what's been spent and she keeps me up to speed on expenses our kids have. We'll also use this time to talk about some of our long term goals.
(Doesn't it all sound so romantic?)
Yesterday as she and I were reviewing our budget, one of the things we kept going back to was how thankful we were that we'd spent the last five years getting our finances in better shape. If you've read our book, know us personally, or followed this blog, you know that for most of our marriage, we made mistake after mistake with our finances. It wasn't until about five years ago that we got serious about budgeting, paying off debt, and saving for a "rainy day." And the rainy day is here!
Five years ago, the circumstances we're in right now would have put us in a tailspin. Today, our financial house sits on a more solid foundation, one built around Biblical truth. While I do feel a sense of urgency to find another job and get an income established again, I'm not nearly as worried about our current circumstances as I would be if we were still carrying all of our old debts.
If you've never gotten serious about budgeting, paying off debt, and saving money, take it from the recently unemployeed. There's no better time then the present to get started.
Once you create your budget, you have to have a system for tracking yourself. One of the first things I do every morning is get on my bank's website and review our spending from the day before, subtracting out each transaction from it's budget category, and then balancing our check register. I also set aside extra time on Sunday to go over the upcoming week. Are there bills I need to schedule to be paid? What money is coming in? Do we have the right amount in checking to buy groceries, pay for doctor visits, etc? With a family of eight, cash flow is important to review!
Sunday is also the day that Marybeth and I go over our finances together. Although I email her a budget summary every day (how much is left in groceries, gas, resturants, etc.) on Sundays, she and I get into more detail. We review what's been spent and she keeps me up to speed on expenses our kids have. We'll also use this time to talk about some of our long term goals.
(Doesn't it all sound so romantic?)
Yesterday as she and I were reviewing our budget, one of the things we kept going back to was how thankful we were that we'd spent the last five years getting our finances in better shape. If you've read our book, know us personally, or followed this blog, you know that for most of our marriage, we made mistake after mistake with our finances. It wasn't until about five years ago that we got serious about budgeting, paying off debt, and saving for a "rainy day." And the rainy day is here!
Five years ago, the circumstances we're in right now would have put us in a tailspin. Today, our financial house sits on a more solid foundation, one built around Biblical truth. While I do feel a sense of urgency to find another job and get an income established again, I'm not nearly as worried about our current circumstances as I would be if we were still carrying all of our old debts.
If you've never gotten serious about budgeting, paying off debt, and saving money, take it from the recently unemployeed. There's no better time then the present to get started.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
A Change In Direction - Day 2
Today was a good day. It started with me reading all the comments posted to Marybeth's blog and some new ones on here. They're all very much appreciated.
Later this morning I had a chance to go help a friend get ready for some stuff happening at our church. This weekend is the final weekend for our Kingdom Come series and I feel something powerful about to happen. Tonight's service at the Matthew's campus and tomorrow's services at Matthews, Providence, and Uptown are going to blow all of us away. Get ready...
While I was helping my friend, Marybeth had the three younger kids at a bake shop where the owner has classes teaching kids how to decorate cookies and cakes. They all came back home with a box full of cookies and cupcakes decorated for Christmas. I even talked the kids into sharing some with dad.
Later this afternoon we decorated our tree. (I know, it's already December 20th. We're slackers.) Decorating our tree is always a family event. I usually sit and open up the ornament boxes while the kids (with Marybeth's help) hang them on the tree. I have the best job... I get to pull all of the ornaments out at a time. We don't have anything really fancy. They're just ones we've collected over the years. Some given to us by friends, some the kids have made at special events, and some Marybeth has picked up at craft shows, the Christmas Show, etc. Every year I pull them out one by one from the box and reflect on when we got each one, laughing with the family, enjoying the memories.
And God spoke to me this year as we decorated the tree. As my mind went back in time and I thought about the things our family has gone through and all the experiences we had, I heard God reminding me of His provision. He has always helped us, always fed us, always clothed us, always given us a home. He's been gracious. He's been good.
My favorite ornament is a small red and white stocking that my parents used to have when I was a child. On the front is our name "Whalen" written in cursive with gold glitter. The hook is rusted and fragile. The material is old and frayed. It's a special reminder of not just Christmas's past, but also of Christmas's future when it will be hung by my son, grandson, and greatgrandson.
This year, my stocking ornament symbolizes hope. Our God is not just the god of today. He's the god of countless generations. He watched over my forefathers, is watching over me, and will cover and protect the many generations of Whalen's to come.
Today I'm experiencing trouble. But my God is walking beside me and will not let me fail. I have faith in my future because of His faithfulness in the past.
Today, I remember that I can have faith in my faith.
Later this morning I had a chance to go help a friend get ready for some stuff happening at our church. This weekend is the final weekend for our Kingdom Come series and I feel something powerful about to happen. Tonight's service at the Matthew's campus and tomorrow's services at Matthews, Providence, and Uptown are going to blow all of us away. Get ready...
While I was helping my friend, Marybeth had the three younger kids at a bake shop where the owner has classes teaching kids how to decorate cookies and cakes. They all came back home with a box full of cookies and cupcakes decorated for Christmas. I even talked the kids into sharing some with dad.
Later this afternoon we decorated our tree. (I know, it's already December 20th. We're slackers.) Decorating our tree is always a family event. I usually sit and open up the ornament boxes while the kids (with Marybeth's help) hang them on the tree. I have the best job... I get to pull all of the ornaments out at a time. We don't have anything really fancy. They're just ones we've collected over the years. Some given to us by friends, some the kids have made at special events, and some Marybeth has picked up at craft shows, the Christmas Show, etc. Every year I pull them out one by one from the box and reflect on when we got each one, laughing with the family, enjoying the memories.
And God spoke to me this year as we decorated the tree. As my mind went back in time and I thought about the things our family has gone through and all the experiences we had, I heard God reminding me of His provision. He has always helped us, always fed us, always clothed us, always given us a home. He's been gracious. He's been good.
My favorite ornament is a small red and white stocking that my parents used to have when I was a child. On the front is our name "Whalen" written in cursive with gold glitter. The hook is rusted and fragile. The material is old and frayed. It's a special reminder of not just Christmas's past, but also of Christmas's future when it will be hung by my son, grandson, and greatgrandson.
This year, my stocking ornament symbolizes hope. Our God is not just the god of today. He's the god of countless generations. He watched over my forefathers, is watching over me, and will cover and protect the many generations of Whalen's to come.
Today I'm experiencing trouble. But my God is walking beside me and will not let me fail. I have faith in my future because of His faithfulness in the past.
Today, I remember that I can have faith in my faith.
A Change In Direction - Day 1 1/2
4:59. I wake and beat the alarm by a minute. Except it's early Saturday morning and I hadn't set the alarm in hopes that I'd sleep in. Close my eyes in an effort to force my body back to sleep.
5:20. Been staring at the clock for awhile now, watching the minutes change one by one. Marybeth stirs beside me. For a second I wonder if she too is awake and laying here like me with a mind spinning in a thousand different directions.
Unemployement for a man is a very humiliating thing. I try to get my mind off it but can't. My thoughts keep going back to Thursday and replaying the events of the day. The look on my coworkers' face when I got to work. The way they avoided my eyes. The cold efficiency of the human resource lady who had me sign the paperwork and then followed me around as I packed up. The third time she offered to help, it took every effort of willpower I could muster not to turn on her and scream for her to get the heck out of my office!"
But I didn't. She's just like me, following orders, doing what she had to do, the part of the job she probably dreads. None of this is personal. It's just business... right?
5:26. I decide that I can't take it any longer. The dark is just to hard. All my efforts to push down these emotions are backfiring. My mind is going places I can't afford to let it go.
Gotta get up. Make some coffee. Turn away from the fear and focus on the desire to fight.
It's a battle, but one I'll win. Time to get started with Day 2.
5:20. Been staring at the clock for awhile now, watching the minutes change one by one. Marybeth stirs beside me. For a second I wonder if she too is awake and laying here like me with a mind spinning in a thousand different directions.
Unemployement for a man is a very humiliating thing. I try to get my mind off it but can't. My thoughts keep going back to Thursday and replaying the events of the day. The look on my coworkers' face when I got to work. The way they avoided my eyes. The cold efficiency of the human resource lady who had me sign the paperwork and then followed me around as I packed up. The third time she offered to help, it took every effort of willpower I could muster not to turn on her and scream for her to get the heck out of my office!"
But I didn't. She's just like me, following orders, doing what she had to do, the part of the job she probably dreads. None of this is personal. It's just business... right?
5:26. I decide that I can't take it any longer. The dark is just to hard. All my efforts to push down these emotions are backfiring. My mind is going places I can't afford to let it go.
Gotta get up. Make some coffee. Turn away from the fear and focus on the desire to fight.
It's a battle, but one I'll win. Time to get started with Day 2.
Friday, December 18, 2009
A Change In Direction - Day 1
I got a taste of reality yesterday. Hard Hittin'. Around 8:10 in the morning, my manager had me come in the conference room, shut the door, and let me know that the company had decided to eliminate my position. By ten a.m., I was on the freeway heading home, my car filled with stuff from my office, my head filled with a ton of questions.
I've never been fired before. It's difficult to explain the things I feel. There's the obvious anger. No matter how it's "served up," it's very personal to be let go. There's an inner rage that shouts out for a better explanation then "we're changing direction." As polite and as fair as my former employer was throughout the whole process, it still feels disrespectful. It still hurts.
There's also sadness. "Goodbye's" for me are hard, and there are people that I will really miss. I called up a few that I'm closest to and spoke with them for a few minutes. But for most, I vanished into thin air with not so much as a "thanks" for the work we'd done and the projects we'd sold.
Strangely enough, I also feel a sense of relief. I spent the last two years trying to take my now ex-employer in a direction that they clearly didn't want to go. With every day that passed, I felt more and more like an outsider. I kept hoping my explanations and suggestions were taking root, but knew in my gut that they weren't. I went in every morning feeling a sense of dread. At least now I can move on.
The rest of yesterday was a blur. Marybeth posted what was happening on her Facebook page, and many people left comments - words of hope and support. I also had many people call and offer encouragement. The biggest surprise was the men that came over last night and let me talk... and then covered me with prayer. You guys don't have any idea how much that meant. Thank you.
And now I'm left with time. Time to think and time to digest. Time to spend with my family and friends. Time to give to my church. And time to learn. That's what this post and the others that follow will be about - what God teaches me as I make this change in direction. Yesterday I learned that I'm not invincible. But more importantly, I learned that I'm loved. Thanks to each of you who helped me feel that in a powerful way.
Last night after dinner, our nine year old and I were cleaning the kitchen. She's smart enough to figure out what was going on, so I knew she needed to hear the story from me first hand. I told her what happened, explained that I was given money to get through the next few months, and told her of a few hopeful opportunities I had to get a new job.
Even with me being as gentle as possible, a few minutes later I noticed she'd slipped away into our downstairs bath. She's a deep thinker and very emotional and was quietly sobbing behind the door. And for the first time yesterday, as I held her and comforted her, I shed my first tear. Not for me or what had happened, but for the fear that my kids are now experiencing. I know the answer to the fear, and in the deepest part of me, at least for now, I'm experiencing "trust in the Lord with all your heart."
Thank you Lord for faith...
I've never been fired before. It's difficult to explain the things I feel. There's the obvious anger. No matter how it's "served up," it's very personal to be let go. There's an inner rage that shouts out for a better explanation then "we're changing direction." As polite and as fair as my former employer was throughout the whole process, it still feels disrespectful. It still hurts.
There's also sadness. "Goodbye's" for me are hard, and there are people that I will really miss. I called up a few that I'm closest to and spoke with them for a few minutes. But for most, I vanished into thin air with not so much as a "thanks" for the work we'd done and the projects we'd sold.
Strangely enough, I also feel a sense of relief. I spent the last two years trying to take my now ex-employer in a direction that they clearly didn't want to go. With every day that passed, I felt more and more like an outsider. I kept hoping my explanations and suggestions were taking root, but knew in my gut that they weren't. I went in every morning feeling a sense of dread. At least now I can move on.
The rest of yesterday was a blur. Marybeth posted what was happening on her Facebook page, and many people left comments - words of hope and support. I also had many people call and offer encouragement. The biggest surprise was the men that came over last night and let me talk... and then covered me with prayer. You guys don't have any idea how much that meant. Thank you.
And now I'm left with time. Time to think and time to digest. Time to spend with my family and friends. Time to give to my church. And time to learn. That's what this post and the others that follow will be about - what God teaches me as I make this change in direction. Yesterday I learned that I'm not invincible. But more importantly, I learned that I'm loved. Thanks to each of you who helped me feel that in a powerful way.
Last night after dinner, our nine year old and I were cleaning the kitchen. She's smart enough to figure out what was going on, so I knew she needed to hear the story from me first hand. I told her what happened, explained that I was given money to get through the next few months, and told her of a few hopeful opportunities I had to get a new job.
Even with me being as gentle as possible, a few minutes later I noticed she'd slipped away into our downstairs bath. She's a deep thinker and very emotional and was quietly sobbing behind the door. And for the first time yesterday, as I held her and comforted her, I shed my first tear. Not for me or what had happened, but for the fear that my kids are now experiencing. I know the answer to the fear, and in the deepest part of me, at least for now, I'm experiencing "trust in the Lord with all your heart."
Thank you Lord for faith...
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Christmas Budgets
"And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger." Luke 2:8-12.
December 1st always marks for me the beginning of the Christmas season. It’s one of my favorite times of the year. Our home is filled with bright lights, special decorations, and wonderful smells. But Christmas can also be filled with anxiety and stress. We rush around to different activities, fight holiday crowds, and deal with the pressure of spending more then we expected. If we’re not careful, by December 25th, we’ve lost our Christmas joy.
Marybeth and I do our best to try and keep Christmas in perspective. One thing we do every year is to use a Christmas budget and pay cash for our purchases. We start talking about our Christmas spending early in the fall, listing out how much money we think we’ll have, and who we’ll want to give gifts to – people like teachers, special friends, coworkers, and pastors at our church. Marybeth then finds creative ways to stretch every dollar. She’ll only buy presents when they go on sale. Or, instead of store bought gifts, Marybeth will make batches of special treats like pumpkin and eggnog bread for our friends, family members, and church staff. It’s not cheap to cook, but it’s a good way to stretch a little money into a lot of gifts!
Even with all of our planning, things can get tense when the cash envelop is nearly empty. But Marybeth and I have learned the hard way. It’s much less stressful budgeting and using cash for Christmas then running up credit card debts and getting the statement with a balance due in January.
Christmas is a wonderful time of the year. It is possible to preserve your sanity and your joy. Remember what's important and work together as a family to keep your focus.
December 1st always marks for me the beginning of the Christmas season. It’s one of my favorite times of the year. Our home is filled with bright lights, special decorations, and wonderful smells. But Christmas can also be filled with anxiety and stress. We rush around to different activities, fight holiday crowds, and deal with the pressure of spending more then we expected. If we’re not careful, by December 25th, we’ve lost our Christmas joy.
Marybeth and I do our best to try and keep Christmas in perspective. One thing we do every year is to use a Christmas budget and pay cash for our purchases. We start talking about our Christmas spending early in the fall, listing out how much money we think we’ll have, and who we’ll want to give gifts to – people like teachers, special friends, coworkers, and pastors at our church. Marybeth then finds creative ways to stretch every dollar. She’ll only buy presents when they go on sale. Or, instead of store bought gifts, Marybeth will make batches of special treats like pumpkin and eggnog bread for our friends, family members, and church staff. It’s not cheap to cook, but it’s a good way to stretch a little money into a lot of gifts!
Even with all of our planning, things can get tense when the cash envelop is nearly empty. But Marybeth and I have learned the hard way. It’s much less stressful budgeting and using cash for Christmas then running up credit card debts and getting the statement with a balance due in January.
Christmas is a wonderful time of the year. It is possible to preserve your sanity and your joy. Remember what's important and work together as a family to keep your focus.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Commitment and Time
One of the things I learned about personal finances is that there are peaks and valleys. There are times when money seems to magically fall from the sky, and there are times when the extra money stops coming and things around us keep breaking. Marybeth and I are going through one of those valley periods right now. We keep getting hit with stuff like unexpected medical bills and home and car repairs. It’s discouraging to watch our emergency fund slowly dwindle down to nothing.
During these moments of discouragement, I have to keep reminding myself that “winning” with money takes two things - commitment and time. Marybeth and I have a long term plan and we have to stay committed to that plan. We can’t quit when things get hard. For example, we decided we won’t use credit cards and will pay cash for everything. That means we’ll have to find creative ways to save money and stay committed to rebuilding our emergency fund.
The other thing I’m reminding myself is that developing a solid financial foundation takes a lot of time. There is no quick fix. It took us over four years to pay off our debts, and it’s going to take us a significant amount of time to rebuild our emergency fund and save up for other things like cars for the kids and college tuition.
As discouraged as I am in this moment, I have to keep walking this out, one step at a time, day after day after day. Commitment and time. There is no other way.
During these moments of discouragement, I have to keep reminding myself that “winning” with money takes two things - commitment and time. Marybeth and I have a long term plan and we have to stay committed to that plan. We can’t quit when things get hard. For example, we decided we won’t use credit cards and will pay cash for everything. That means we’ll have to find creative ways to save money and stay committed to rebuilding our emergency fund.
The other thing I’m reminding myself is that developing a solid financial foundation takes a lot of time. There is no quick fix. It took us over four years to pay off our debts, and it’s going to take us a significant amount of time to rebuild our emergency fund and save up for other things like cars for the kids and college tuition.
As discouraged as I am in this moment, I have to keep walking this out, one step at a time, day after day after day. Commitment and time. There is no other way.
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